A Book of Shadows

Phoebe lay in bed, staring up at the ceiling.

Spending any time with friends that didn't know about what she and her sisters were was always both interesting and a little draining. Sometimes, hanging out with her friends from college made her realize just how different she was from them in so many ways.

Like last night, for instance. They were all sitting around and drinking -- none for her, thanks -- and they decided that they should play a game they had perfected back in college... "Secrets and Lies".

Phoebe hated that game with a passion.

"It's your turn, Pheebs. Tell us a secret."

I'm a witch. I'm one of the Charmed Ones. The love of my life is a demon.

Yeah, none of those were secrets she could really share.

"I'll pass."

"Come on, Pheebs. You never play and you're always so serious now."

Hard not to be serious when a demon can attack you at any moment and you lose the fight.

"Leave her alone. Things have been hard for her and Piper since Prue was murdered."

And that would be why she couldn't play this game of theirs.

She rolled over onto her side and pulled Cole's pillow to her so she could curl up around it.

Sometimes... secrets could kill.


Muse: Phoebe Halliwell
Fandom: Misc TV; "Charmed"
Words: 182 216

My best friend? That's easy. My best friend in this world is very definitely my big sister, Piper. The reasons for why are many. It doesn't matter what decisions I make or what I do, she's always right there supporting me through everything. When things crash down around me, she's always there to hold onto me and let me cry until I run out of tears. She may not always approve of the things I do, but she always gives me her support to do them. I can talk to her about anything and everything and no matter what she feels about it, she expresses her concerns without making me feel she's judging me. Piper and I have been through more than our fair share of hell and we have always had each other. She's been the one constant throughout my life and it's easy to see why she is my best friend in the world.




Muse: Phoebe Halliwell
Fandom: Misc TV; "Charmed"
Words: 156

There are many definitions of fragile...

She faced off with the demon that was advancing on her and her hand twitched slightly.

It had only been three weeks since her sisters had come into the Penthouse she had shared with Cole. Only three weeks since she had been forced to choose between her sisters and the evil bastard that had usurped the body of the man she had loved more than her own life. Only three weeks since the vanquishing spell had destroyed The Source of All Evil -- and her husband, Cole Turner, along with him. Only three weeks since she had lost almost everything that had been important to her.

Now? Now she hunted.

The demon launched himself at her and Phoebe didn't move. When his nails scraped along her side, she turned into him and shoved her hand forward. As he dug deep gouges in her side, she sliced up with the athame she had held hidden along her arm.

She stumbled back as the demon burst into flames. "For him," she said softly as she watched the demon die.

After the demon exploded, leaving nothing behind, Phoebe wiped the athame off on her jeans, and then put it away. The athame lived in a special sheath she had commissioned from a friend of hers who did leather work. The sheath was worn over her shoulder and along her side. It was perfect for hiding under the leather jacket that she had taken to wearing so often nowadays.

Like the athame, the leather jacket had belonged to him.

She grimaced as she looked down to take in her bloody shirt. That one had gotten a little too close to reaching internal organs with his claws. She should probably get home to her sisters or their whitelighter before too long. She would be in for a lecture about endangering herself needlessly like this. However, she would do what she did everytime one of them said something like that. She would tune out the lecture and nod absently at them.

Then she would go up to the Book of Shadows and do more research.

It might have amused some people to draw comparisons between what she was doing now and what Piper had done right after Prue died. If anyone had said that to her or Piper right now, her sister might have blown them up. Phoebe was volatile right now and both Piper and Paige were seeing a fragility in her that they had never seen before. She was moving through life one day at a time -- if you could call what she was doing living. Her heart and soul were gone, taken when they had lost Cole. Piper couldn't imagine the pain her baby sister was in. Cole had been the love of her life and it haunted all of them that they hadn't been able to come up with a way to save him. To see her baby sister, once known as the one with the largest heart and the most giving and trusting nature of all of the Halliwells, so flat and emotionless was something that cut at her heart deeply. Phoebe was empty now and Piper and Paige didn't know how to help her.

So, Piper would watch Phoebe go out on her hunts and pray that she didn't lose her like she had lost Prue. She just could not lose another sister.

The only weapon Phoebe carried on these hunts of hers was the athame.

Cole's athame.

The athame that was starting to become an anathema to demons and warlocks everywhere. They called the athame Evil's Bane and it was well known that it had once belonged to the demonic soldier of fortune, Belthazor. There were many stories about how a Charmed One had come into possession of the athame. They were mostly false.

For her part? Phoebe didn't care what they thought. What she did know was that she would kill as many demons as she could with Cole's athame. It was her focus. She would make them all pay for what had happened to her love.

They would die for the loss of everything she had held dear.

There were many examples of fragile.

Cole being killed had shown the fragility of the heart and soul.

The demons she killed now were showing how fragile they were when compared to a weapon wielded by someone who felt she had nothing left to lose.


Muse: Phoebe Halliwell
Fandom: Misc TV; "Charmed"
Words: 744

#159 -- Talk about one thing you hope to do in the upcoming year that you have never done before. It could be something significant or something trivial.


Oh that's a fun one. How about the idea that I would really like to get through the year 2007 without having to vanquish someone I love or have someone get killed by evil just because they happen to be someone close to me?

No really, I'm tired of all of the death that comes with the whole being a witch and one of the Charmed Ones. I'm tired of good people dying or being screwed with just because they are either close friends with my family or because they are trying to help us do good.

Just once, I would really like to not have to go to a funeral of someone who had been a pretty good person in life and whom ended up being in the wrong place at the wrong time. I really don't think that something like that is too damn much to ask for.

So, for the coming year, I would like to not watch any more good people die or be forced to vanquish or kill anyone that I care about.

That sound like a good plan?

I certainly think so.


Muse: Phoebe Halliwell
Fandom: Misc TV; "Charmed"
Words: 188

Phoebe loved watching the sunrise.

It was one of those times of day where every thing was quiet and still, and there seemed to be no worries or cares in the world. In those few moments between darkness and the sky starting to lighten up, Phoebe felt totally and completely at peace.

She would sit out on the porch swing, wrapped in a blanket and holding onto a cup of coffee. There were no screams and no attacking demons. There was nothing but the normal sounds of the world starting to wake up, punctuated by times of perfect silence.

She was pretty sure that no one else in the house was aware that she would get up every day to do this little ritual. She didn't mind keeping this a secret from Piper, Paige, Cole and Leo. It was her own little thing she did every day to greet the world and to say hello.

"Good morning, Prue, wherever you are. I miss you."



Muse: Phoebe Halliwell
Fandom: Misc TV; "Charmed"
Words: 165

She wondered if he ever knew that she came here like this? Did he ever sense that he was being watched or that he wasn't alone down here from time to time? Did he still feel her within him like he once had?

She was a silent spectator, coming to catch a glimpse of him, needing to know that he was still alive somewhere. She could sit here and watch him for hours if she had that kind of time... but she didn't. Every moment she stayed, was another moment she placed herself in danger of being discovered and tortured or killed. She would stay as long as she dared, watching him, assuring herself that he was still alive and mostly in one piece.

She knew that she shouldn't be doing this to herself. It just made letting go of him that much harder. She should just walk away and never look back. She shouldn't be stealing moments like this, hiding in the shadows of the Underworld to watch him down here.

She shouldn't be doing this. It was too dangerous. It could lead to her death and to his eternal damnation. She should just let him go... let go of what they had and move forward. It wasn't like their love had started out built on anything but lies and secrets. There had been no way to make it all work out after the things that had happened... after the death that had occurred.

She should go.

She should leave and never come back -- write him off as being lost to her forever.

Yet...

And yet she didn't.

Instead, she chose to remain hidden just a few moments longer.

She chose to stay hidden in the shadows of the most dangerous place for her to be.

She chose to be hidden just so she could catch a glimpse of him and remember what might have been.


Muse: Phoebe Halliwell
Fandom: Misc TV; "Charmed"
Words: 317

Monogamy is something very important to me as I am not really much for sharing the man I love with other women. It's somewhat nice to know that I'm the only one he loves and the only one he wants. There are times that he is my sanctuary and my comfort --- he's the one I know that I can always find safety with.

Cole is my soulmate and there really is no room in my life or my heart for another man. Knowing that he feels the same way about me gives us both strength in our everyday lives. When I'm facing a new threat to my life or my sanity, the knowledge that I have Cole gives me that extra burst of strength to get through the crisis of the week.

The fact that we have a monogamous relationship makes me feel special in his life. It's not something that I am in any hurry to give it up.



Muse: Phoebe Halliwell
Fandom: Misc TV; "Charmed"
Words: 160

Talk about something you inherited. (It could be an object, a physical attribute, a belief, etc.) ... Challenge #135

If you ask my sisters, they'll probably tell you that I inherited Grams' penchant for falling in love with the wrong men or loving someone that I really shouldn't love because they are destined to be our enemy. It could also be said that I inherited her penchant for loving demons or evil men or just men who really had no moral code or useful qualities for life.

If you ask me? I'd say that I inherited Grams' ability to see love and goodness where most people would overlook it. I inherited her capacity to love truly and deeply when the other half of my heart finally came into my life.

Grams was in love with a necromancer. She saw qualities in him that no one else either could see or wanted to see. There were times that she followed her heart right into a place of hurt, but she still loved. Oh, I know, she made jokes about men not being good enough for her granddaughters and she was married many times. However, I think she really just wanted to protect us from the heartaches she had gone through.

She approved of Andy for Prue... and of Leo for Piper...

But would she approve of Cole for me?

True, he may not have been the first guy that she would have picked out for me -- either because of the demon thing or the lawyer thing -- but could she have denied or turned away from the love that the two of us obviously have for each other? I'd like to think that she would be able to look past the things most would see as negatives. I was forced to kill him and he defeated death to come back to me. How could she see that as anything but something deep and true?

Yeah, I think I inherited that stubborn tenacity to cling to what I love from Grams. It may be the best thing that I have inherited from her.



Muse: Phoebe Halliwell
Fandom: Misc TV; "Charmed"
Words: 331

There was a time when I was fickle with my loyalties. Maybe fickle isn't the right word. Careless probably works better. I was known for giving my loyalty to people who were not really all that deserving of it and it really did lead to some problems.

Take for instance, Clay.

I met him during the time I had left San Francisco and had gone to New York. He was my best friend for a time. he helped me out, he kept me safe. He soon became my boyfriend and we moved in together. It didn't work out between us... as evidenced by the fact that I am currently engaged to Cole.

Clay was a nice guy, but he was a little bit lacking in the "taking responsibility for his own actions" gene. He also lacked that nice little "don't get involved with the wrong people and bring trouble home" gene. It was that last one that made me finally call it quits with him. He just cut too many corners and I got tired of waiting for the New York Police to come to my door to tell me he'd been arrested... or worse.

After I had been back home with Prue and Piper for a few months, Clay showed up in San Francisco. Foolishly, I believed in him and was loyal to him again.


Phoebe: Don't take this the wrong way, but why are you here, with me, now?
Clay: What, can't a guy visit?
Phoebe: Yeah, but you're not just a guy, you're Clay, and Clay comes with strings attached.


Of course, I didn't know he had brought a stolen, cursed urn to get my sister to sell for him. An urn that had killed two people and endangered us... endangered me. The one thing I had sworn to Prue that he would never do, and he did.

After that? I started being a lot more careful about who besides my sisters I gave my trust to.




Muse: Phoebe Halliwell
Fandom: Misc TV; "Charmed"
Words: 293 (--not counting the quote from "Feats of Clay"--)

Comfort.

Over the years, comfort has come to mean a great deal to Phoebe.

Since becoming a witch, she has been burned at the stake in the future, hung by colonials in the past, seen innocents die, lost a friend when Andy died, became friends with Cupid, lost a sister when Prue died, gained a third sister, gained a husband, become queen of the Underworld, vanquished her husband, lost their child, had her husband come back to her, met a nephew, had the Elders send Prue back for Piper's wedding to Todd, had the Elders take Prue away again, had the Elders take Paige away, had the Elders take Chris away... and now had Prue come back.

Her life had become a series of ups and downs and thus, those times in which she could seek comfort had become very dear to her.

At first, comfort had been holing up in her room in the Halliwell Manor with her favorite movie. Billy and Kill It Before It Dies had been her retreat and her healing. It seemed to get even more profound for her when they had met Billy during the whole fiasco with the Demon of Illusion and him causing horror movie characters to come to life and kill people.

Phoebe: I guess it's only fair. I got my first glimpse of romance from watching you on the big screen. Other girls deserve that same view. Thank you for restoring my faith in the male species.

Billy: Now all you have to do is hold out for one that's three dimensional.

She had held out...and now she had Cole.

She had started finding comfort in her family and in Cole.


Muse: Phoebe Halliwell
Fandom: Misc TV; "Charmed"
Words: 241 (Not counting quote from "Chick Flick")