phoebe_halliwell: (Sad Over Shoulder : Absolutesnark)
You do realize how much of a hard question that is for me to answer, correct?

In my life, I have experienced all three of these sensations and each has affected me in very strong ways every time they have happened.

However, having grown and having learned from all of the things I have managed to endure, I would have to choose the sensation of vindication -- with a caveat.

Vindication of others that have been hurt or wronged.

A prime example of this would be when mine and Cole's unborn child used his power to destroy the Seer -- who was trying to use his power to kill me and my sisters.

The Seer had done so much to all of us -- and to Cole. She had caused the situation which had enabled the Source of All Evil to possess him and try to ruin everything we meant to each other and had worked for. She had caused me to have no choice but to harm Cole when I helped my sisters vanquish the Source.

When the Seer stole my child and then tried to kill me, he must have decided that he had enough of this. He turned his powers back on the Seer and destroyed everyone in that chamber that were a threat to me and my sisters.

Even as I mourned the loss of my son, I felt pride in him for what he had done. I also felt vindication for Cole. Our child had managed to get some form of justice for what the Seer had done to him.

Muse: Phoebe Halliwell
Fandom: Charmed
Words: 265
phoebe_halliwell: (Sad Over Shoulder : Absolutesnark)
Phoebe lay in bed, staring up at the ceiling.

Spending any time with friends that didn't know about what she and her sisters were was always both interesting and a little draining. Sometimes, hanging out with her friends from college made her realize just how different she was from them in so many ways.

Like last night, for instance. They were all sitting around and drinking -- none for her, thanks -- and they decided that they should play a game they had perfected back in college... "Secrets and Lies".

Phoebe hated that game with a passion.

"It's your turn, Pheebs. Tell us a secret."

I'm a witch. I'm one of the Charmed Ones. The love of my life is a demon.

Yeah, none of those were secrets she could really share.

"I'll pass."

"Come on, Pheebs. You never play and you're always so serious now."

Hard not to be serious when a demon can attack you at any moment and you lose the fight.

"Leave her alone. Things have been hard for her and Piper since Prue was murdered."

And that would be why she couldn't play this game of theirs.

She rolled over onto her side and pulled Cole's pillow to her so she could curl up around it.

Sometimes... secrets could kill.

Muse: Phoebe Halliwell
Fandom: Misc TV; "Charmed"
Words: 182
phoebe_halliwell: (Phoebe Pensive : Absolutesnark)
#180 -- If you could completely start your life over from scratch, what would you do differently the second time around (if anything)? Why?

There are so many answers that I could probably give to this question. There are a lot of things that I have notoriously screwed up in my life. I didn't always think things through before I did them and therefore wasn't respectful of what the consequences could be. I have been known to just dive head first into things and not worry until later about what could happen.

So yeah, there are a lot of things I would go back and change in my life.

Off the top of my head?

I would never automatically trusted the Source when he said that he would reset time and save my sisters if I would agree to stay in the Underworld. I would have agreed to what he wanted... and as soon as I knew he was indeed having Tempus reset time, I would have had Cole shimmer me the hell out of there so we could save my sisters.

Had I been there with them, we could have vanquished Shax's ass right then and there and we never would have lost Prue.

Muse: Phoebe Halliwell
Fandom: Misc TV; "Charmed"
Words: 182
phoebe_halliwell: (P/P Disappear : i_whore)
My best friend? That's easy. My best friend in this world is very definitely my big sister, Piper. The reasons for why are many. It doesn't matter what decisions I make or what I do, she's always right there supporting me through everything. When things crash down around me, she's always there to hold onto me and let me cry until I run out of tears. She may not always approve of the things I do, but she always gives me her support to do them. I can talk to her about anything and everything and no matter what she feels about it, she expresses her concerns without making me feel she's judging me. Piper and I have been through more than our fair share of hell and we have always had each other. She's been the one constant throughout my life and it's easy to see why she is my best friend in the world.

Muse: Phoebe Halliwell
Fandom: Misc TV; "Charmed"
Words: 156
phoebe_halliwell: (Painted On My Heart : Ishara)
Oh god. Do you have about a year for me to list every mistake in every relationship that I have ever made? Because, you know, I've really made a lot of them. I've never claimed that I was perfect, and I admit that sometimes no matter how hard the guy tries, I just manage to screw things up.

I dated a lot in high school and then after graduation when I ran away to New York. None of the guys I dated ever seemed to satisfy whatever it was I was looking for and the relationship would end after a couple of weeks -- if that. The one guy that lasted longer than a couple of weeks during that time was Clay, but then I ended up leaving him because his life was a bit more dangerous and risky than I was ready for.

Then I came back home and learned what real risk and danger was.

Coming home introduced me to real danger when I discovered my sisters and I were witches -- and then two years later I fell deeply and completely in love with Cole Turner.

Cole was different from any guy I had ever known and I just had to be with him. There was something deep and electric between us. Even after I found out he was a demon, I couldn't stop loving him, and believe me, I tried.

The biggest mistake I made in our relationship? Not listening to him when he was set up to kill a witch. He tried to tell me and I wouldn't listen. I was too upset and too hurt -- and too convinced that he had betrayed us.

It was one of the biggest mistakes I ever made... and the one that I should have learned from.

But I didn't. And I made an even bigger mistake a year later.

And that is another story for a less painful time.

Muse: Phoebe Halliwell
Fandom: Misc TV; "Charmed"
Words: 322
phoebe_halliwell: (C/P Pain Too Real : tonic2w)
There are many definitions of fragile...

She faced off with the demon that was advancing on her and her hand twitched slightly.

It had only been three weeks since her sisters had come into the Penthouse she had shared with Cole. Only three weeks since she had been forced to choose between her sisters and the evil bastard that had usurped the body of the man she had loved more than her own life. Only three weeks since the vanquishing spell had destroyed The Source of All Evil -- and her husband, Cole Turner, along with him. Only three weeks since she had lost almost everything that had been important to her.

Now? Now she hunted.

The demon launched himself at her and Phoebe didn't move. When his nails scraped along her side, she turned into him and shoved her hand forward. As he dug deep gouges in her side, she sliced up with the athame she had held hidden along her arm.

She stumbled back as the demon burst into flames. "For him," she said softly as she watched the demon die.

After the demon exploded, leaving nothing behind, Phoebe wiped the athame off on her jeans, and then put it away. The athame lived in a special sheath she had commissioned from a friend of hers who did leather work. The sheath was worn over her shoulder and along her side. It was perfect for hiding under the leather jacket that she had taken to wearing so often nowadays.

Like the athame, the leather jacket had belonged to him.

She grimaced as she looked down to take in her bloody shirt. That one had gotten a little too close to reaching internal organs with his claws. She should probably get home to her sisters or their whitelighter before too long. She would be in for a lecture about endangering herself needlessly like this. However, she would do what she did everytime one of them said something like that. She would tune out the lecture and nod absently at them.

Then she would go up to the Book of Shadows and do more research.

It might have amused some people to draw comparisons between what she was doing now and what Piper had done right after Prue died. If anyone had said that to her or Piper right now, her sister might have blown them up. Phoebe was volatile right now and both Piper and Paige were seeing a fragility in her that they had never seen before. She was moving through life one day at a time -- if you could call what she was doing living. Her heart and soul were gone, taken when they had lost Cole. Piper couldn't imagine the pain her baby sister was in. Cole had been the love of her life and it haunted all of them that they hadn't been able to come up with a way to save him. To see her baby sister, once known as the one with the largest heart and the most giving and trusting nature of all of the Halliwells, so flat and emotionless was something that cut at her heart deeply. Phoebe was empty now and Piper and Paige didn't know how to help her.

So, Piper would watch Phoebe go out on her hunts and pray that she didn't lose her like she had lost Prue. She just could not lose another sister.

The only weapon Phoebe carried on these hunts of hers was the athame.

Cole's athame.

The athame that was starting to become an anathema to demons and warlocks everywhere. They called the athame Evil's Bane and it was well known that it had once belonged to the demonic soldier of fortune, Belthazor. There were many stories about how a Charmed One had come into possession of the athame. They were mostly false.

For her part? Phoebe didn't care what they thought. What she did know was that she would kill as many demons as she could with Cole's athame. It was her focus. She would make them all pay for what had happened to her love.

They would die for the loss of everything she had held dear.

There were many examples of fragile.

Cole being killed had shown the fragility of the heart and soul.

The demons she killed now were showing how fragile they were when compared to a weapon wielded by someone who felt she had nothing left to lose.

Muse: Phoebe Halliwell
Fandom: Misc TV; "Charmed"
Words: 744
phoebe_halliwell: (C/P Darkness Together : tonic2w)
If I had to select only one song that I feel sums up my life and who I am now, it would have to be "Face to Face" by Siouxsie and the Banshees. If you listen to the lyrics, you can almost see every part of my life that the song touches on. If we have to be perfectly honest, the song really does seem to trace the roots and the bloom of my relationship with Cole.

Face to Face, My Lovely Foe... )

Muse: Phoebe Halliwell
Fandom: Misc TV; "Charmed"
Words: 1,570 (Not counting the song lyics)
phoebe_halliwell: (Phoebe Pensive : Absolutesnark)
#159 -- Talk about one thing you hope to do in the upcoming year that you have never done before. It could be something significant or something trivial.

Oh that's a fun one. How about the idea that I would really like to get through the year 2007 without having to vanquish someone I love or have someone get killed by evil just because they happen to be someone close to me?

No really, I'm tired of all of the death that comes with the whole being a witch and one of the Charmed Ones. I'm tired of good people dying or being screwed with just because they are either close friends with my family or because they are trying to help us do good.

Just once, I would really like to not have to go to a funeral of someone who had been a pretty good person in life and whom ended up being in the wrong place at the wrong time. I really don't think that something like that is too damn much to ask for.

So, for the coming year, I would like to not watch any more good people die or be forced to vanquish or kill anyone that I care about.

That sound like a good plan?

I certainly think so.

Muse: Phoebe Halliwell
Fandom: Misc TV; "Charmed"
phoebe_halliwell: (C/P Darkness Together : tonic2w)
[insert character name] Vs. [insert word of choice here]; It's war! Describe yourself fighting against [insert opponent subject here].

Phoebe Vs. Evil; It's war! Describe yourself fighting against The Source Of All Evil. ... Challenge #155

He's wanted my sisters and I dead for about as long as we have been alive. When we finally came into our powers, it was that much more of a desire of his. He even sent one of his best killers, Belthazor, back into the past in an attempt to destroy our bloodline so that The Charmed Ones would never be born.

Of course, I then did something that made him want me dead on a more personal level.

I turned Belthazor... Cole... against him and the Underworld.

The battles got more deadly after that as I was not only fighting for the lives of my sisters and I, but for the soul of Cole as well. He sent more and more plagues after us and somehow, we always managed to defeat them and thwart the Source.

We had always beaten him... until the day we didn't.

That was the day he sent Shax after our innocent. We thought we had vanquished Shax and then I went to free Cole from the influence of the Source.

Only, we hadn't vanquished Shax and the Source sent him after Prue and Piper. He killed my sisters. In desperation, after Leo told us what had happened, I struck a deal with the Source. If he got his demon Tempus to reset time so my sisters would live, I would stay in the Underworld forever, and the power of the Charmed Ones would be no more.

It shouldn't have surprised me that he lied.

It shouldn't have surprised him that after he let Prue die, I managed to get out of the Underworld.

The Source has been my enemy on very deep and personal reasons. First he killed Prue... and then he took my husband.

A worse enemy he could never have.

My sisters and I vanquished him... and I sit and wait for a sign that he's back. If he does come back?

He won't live long enough to regret it.

Muse: Phoebe Halliwell
Fandom: Misc TV; "Charmed"
phoebe_halliwell: (Phoebe Pensive : Absolutesnark)
Phoebe loved watching the sunrise.

It was one of those times of day where every thing was quiet and still, and there seemed to be no worries or cares in the world. In those few moments between darkness and the sky starting to lighten up, Phoebe felt totally and completely at peace.

She would sit out on the porch swing, wrapped in a blanket and holding onto a cup of coffee. There were no screams and no attacking demons. There was nothing but the normal sounds of the world starting to wake up, punctuated by times of perfect silence.

She was pretty sure that no one else in the house was aware that she would get up every day to do this little ritual. She didn't mind keeping this a secret from Piper, Paige, Cole and Leo. It was her own little thing she did every day to greet the world and to say hello.

"Good morning, Prue, wherever you are. I miss you."

Muse: Phoebe Halliwell
Fandom: Misc TV; "Charmed"
phoebe_halliwell: (Pieces of Me : Nvrpromise)
...never to try to run away from your heart or the one you love.

If it's important enough to you and you love him enough, you should be willing to fight for all that it's worth.

Is love hard? Sometimes, yes. Sometimes it is harder than you can imagine. Just because something is hard it doesn't mean you should give up, ever. Giving up just tends to make everything so much worse and it causes you so many more problems.

How many times have I tried to run from the way I felt for Cole? I have run so many times, and I'm not proud of it. Every time I have tried to run all I did was make things that more complicated and hard for us.

I ran from his love and I ran from my heart and all I ended up doing was making so many things that much worse. It all ended up with me helping my sisters vanquish him because the Source had possessed him and had a stranglehold on the man I loved.

Could all of that have been avoided if I hadn't always been running away when things got stressful between all of us? Maybe. Perhaps. I don't know.

What I do know, is that Cole is back and we have another chance at happiness.

My days of running away from what I feel are over.

Don't run. Stay and fight for what you want.

Muse: Phoebe Halliwell
Fandom: Misc TV; "Charmed"
Words: 241
phoebe_halliwell: (Sad Over Shoulder : Absolutesnark)
She wondered if he ever knew that she came here like this? Did he ever sense that he was being watched or that he wasn't alone down here from time to time? Did he still feel her within him like he once had?

She was a silent spectator, coming to catch a glimpse of him, needing to know that he was still alive somewhere. She could sit here and watch him for hours if she had that kind of time... but she didn't. Every moment she stayed, was another moment she placed herself in danger of being discovered and tortured or killed. She would stay as long as she dared, watching him, assuring herself that he was still alive and mostly in one piece.

She knew that she shouldn't be doing this to herself. It just made letting go of him that much harder. She should just walk away and never look back. She shouldn't be stealing moments like this, hiding in the shadows of the Underworld to watch him down here.

She shouldn't be doing this. It was too dangerous. It could lead to her death and to his eternal damnation. She should just let him go... let go of what they had and move forward. It wasn't like their love had started out built on anything but lies and secrets. There had been no way to make it all work out after the things that had happened... after the death that had occurred.

She should go.

She should leave and never come back -- write him off as being lost to her forever.


And yet she didn't.

Instead, she chose to remain hidden just a few moments longer.

She chose to stay hidden in the shadows of the most dangerous place for her to be.

She chose to be hidden just so she could catch a glimpse of him and remember what might have been.

Muse: Phoebe Halliwell
Fandom: Misc TV; "Charmed"
Words: 317
phoebe_halliwell: (Thinking)
The wrong thing done for the right reason is still the wrong thing...

I believe that sentiment whole-heartedly, even if sometimes I can get carried away with wanting to get revenge or pay back for things that happen in my life and the lives of my loved ones. I have a temper. I have an attachment to those I love and I have strong feelings about what should be considered acceptable behavior.

I have a penchant for thinking up the perfect revenge for people. I have even carried it out a couple of times, believing that I was in the right and that what I was doing was justified.

Then I realized that any act, no matter how small it may seem, can change the course of your future and set events into motion that you cannot hope to stop.

My sisters and I got a mild taste of that when we used our powers to give a guy who walked his dog a taste of his own medicine. This man would walk his dog and allow it to do his business on the sidewalk and then leave it there. Piper froze the scene, and Prue moved things around where he would step in the mess.

Ten years later that same man had organized a new series of witch hunts and prosecutions and I ended up being burned at the stake --- literally.

I learned an important lesson that time.

No matter how feasible or deserving revenge seems, it usually isn't worth the consequences and the aftermath.

Muse: Phoebe Halliwell
Fandom: Misc TV; "Charmed"
Words: 256
phoebe_halliwell: (Phoebe Pensive : Absolutesnark)
Monogamy is something very important to me as I am not really much for sharing the man I love with other women. It's somewhat nice to know that I'm the only one he loves and the only one he wants. There are times that he is my sanctuary and my comfort --- he's the one I know that I can always find safety with.

Cole is my soulmate and there really is no room in my life or my heart for another man. Knowing that he feels the same way about me gives us both strength in our everyday lives. When I'm facing a new threat to my life or my sanity, the knowledge that I have Cole gives me that extra burst of strength to get through the crisis of the week.

The fact that we have a monogamous relationship makes me feel special in his life. It's not something that I am in any hurry to give it up.

Muse: Phoebe Halliwell
Fandom: Misc TV; "Charmed"
Words: 160
phoebe_halliwell: (Thinking)
There was a time in my life that I did tend to make friends very easily and I let people get pretty close to me without worrying about it. I was a wild child in high school and hung around with what you might call a "bad crowd". But they were my close friends and everything was good.

Even when I left San Francisco and went to New York, I was still finding it pretty easy to make friends wherever I went. Everything was okay for awhile, but then I broke up with Clay, lost my job and got kicked out of my apartment.

So... I went back home to San Francisco and that was when it all changed.

After I was given my powers and I became a witch, things changed, they had to. I learned the hard way that sometimes those that you think are your friends are only getting close to you for one reason --- to kill you and take your powers. After falling for it more than once, I started becoming a little more standoffish with people and I didn't let many get close to me. It's too dangerous and when I get betrayed, it just hurts too damned much.

Cole was the exception to the rule. I think I fell in love with him the minute I saw him and all of my survival instincts I had cultivated over the previous two years went right out the window. True, when I found out that he was a demon I was hurt and I felt betrayed. However, even through that devastation, I still loved him and I couldn't bear for him to be hurt or for anything to happen to him. He became my best friend, my lover and my husband. He's my soulmate.

I think outside of Cole and my sisters, Morris was my first really true friend -- that survived my life.

Of course, then I came here and I made friends like Mike and like Cupid.

Muse: Phoebe Halliwell
Fandom: Misc TV; "Charmed"
Words: 332


Jul. 28th, 2006 08:15 am
phoebe_halliwell: (Default)
Haiku2 for seesthefuture
a spell and took my
last link to cole there have
been a lot of things
Created by Grahame
Haiku2 for seesthefuture
and think about what
cole was and i had to
do to get the source
Created by Grahame
phoebe_halliwell: (C/P Casual Watching)
Talk about something you inherited. (It could be an object, a physical attribute, a belief, etc.) ... Challenge #135

If you ask my sisters, they'll probably tell you that I inherited Grams' penchant for falling in love with the wrong men or loving someone that I really shouldn't love because they are destined to be our enemy. It could also be said that I inherited her penchant for loving demons or evil men or just men who really had no moral code or useful qualities for life.

If you ask me? I'd say that I inherited Grams' ability to see love and goodness where most people would overlook it. I inherited her capacity to love truly and deeply when the other half of my heart finally came into my life.

Grams was in love with a necromancer. She saw qualities in him that no one else either could see or wanted to see. There were times that she followed her heart right into a place of hurt, but she still loved. Oh, I know, she made jokes about men not being good enough for her granddaughters and she was married many times. However, I think she really just wanted to protect us from the heartaches she had gone through.

She approved of Andy for Prue... and of Leo for Piper...

But would she approve of Cole for me?

True, he may not have been the first guy that she would have picked out for me -- either because of the demon thing or the lawyer thing -- but could she have denied or turned away from the love that the two of us obviously have for each other? I'd like to think that she would be able to look past the things most would see as negatives. I was forced to kill him and he defeated death to come back to me. How could she see that as anything but something deep and true?

Yeah, I think I inherited that stubborn tenacity to cling to what I love from Grams. It may be the best thing that I have inherited from her.

Muse: Phoebe Halliwell
Fandom: Misc TV; "Charmed"
Words: 331
phoebe_halliwell: (Upset or Confused)
"If..." (Complete the sentence and write your ficlette. Your ficlette must begin with this sentence.) ... Challenge #133

If only she could remember how all of this had happened.

She did her best to swallow her fear as she was handcuffed and chained to the metal rigging. She didn't know how this had happened or why this had come to pass in this manner. She didn't understand how her future self had managed to use her power to kill someone. It was impossible! Her power wasn't active. It was passive and harmless!

Yet, here she was.

If only someone would tell her what had happened...what she had supposedly done.

There were no answers forthcoming and even the one person who knew she wasn't the right soul in the right time wasn't telling her what had occurred. He also wasn't willing to help her. Her own whitelighter thought she needed to pay for her crimes...even though they weren't really her crimes to begin with.

Leo had told her that he couldn't help her that she needed to see the punishment through. Whatever her future self had done, it had led to a modern-day witch trials and witch hunts in the country.

If she was executed for that murder, then maybe other witches would be safe again.

The senator told her that the pyre was made especially for her and that she was going to die the way a witch was supposed to die. They were going to be burning her alive. She yanked against the chains, and he smirked at her.

If only she wasn't so scared.

Muse: Phoebe Halliwell
Fandom: Misc TV; "Charmed"
Words: 258
phoebe_halliwell: (Phoebe White Jacket : Absolutesnark)
There was a time when I was fickle with my loyalties. Maybe fickle isn't the right word. Careless probably works better. I was known for giving my loyalty to people who were not really all that deserving of it and it really did lead to some problems.

Take for instance, Clay.

I met him during the time I had left San Francisco and had gone to New York. He was my best friend for a time. he helped me out, he kept me safe. He soon became my boyfriend and we moved in together. It didn't work out between us... as evidenced by the fact that I am currently engaged to Cole.

Clay was a nice guy, but he was a little bit lacking in the "taking responsibility for his own actions" gene. He also lacked that nice little "don't get involved with the wrong people and bring trouble home" gene. It was that last one that made me finally call it quits with him. He just cut too many corners and I got tired of waiting for the New York Police to come to my door to tell me he'd been arrested... or worse.

After I had been back home with Prue and Piper for a few months, Clay showed up in San Francisco. Foolishly, I believed in him and was loyal to him again.

Phoebe: Don't take this the wrong way, but why are you here, with me, now?
Clay: What, can't a guy visit?
Phoebe: Yeah, but you're not just a guy, you're Clay, and Clay comes with strings attached.

Of course, I didn't know he had brought a stolen, cursed urn to get my sister to sell for him. An urn that had killed two people and endangered us... endangered me. The one thing I had sworn to Prue that he would never do, and he did.

After that? I started being a lot more careful about who besides my sisters I gave my trust to.

Muse: Phoebe Halliwell
Fandom: Misc TV; "Charmed"
Words: 293
(--not counting the quote from "Feats of Clay"--)
phoebe_halliwell: (Love Hurts : Supernaturalhel)
...I felt like I had been crying for days.

My entire world had been destroyed, again, and I had been powerless to stop it. I wanted nothing more than to bury myself under the covers of my bed and never come out again. However, that just wasn't an option for me. I had two sisters who needed be to come out and face the world with them. I was a Charmed One and I wasn't allowed the choice of hiding and trying to deal with my pain in my own way and in my own time.

No, Paige and Piper never said anything like that to me. They were worried about me, they knew how badly I was hurting. I had just helped to vanquish the love of my life, after all. They would ahve given me all of the time in the world that I needed to cry myself out and to start putting the pieces back together again.

But then, the Seer showed up and took my last link to Cole. After that, a witch hunter tricked us into helping him track down a young witch and he was going to kill her. Then, Mylie needed our help.

The next morning after I lost most of my world, I wanted to die... but I made myself live.

Muse: Phoebe Halliwell
Fandom: Misc TV; "Charmed"
Words: 219
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