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I wish I could say that I have outgrown feelings of jealousy with everything else I have seen and done in my life. I wish I could say that I don't ever get jealous.
But that would be a lie.
For the longest time, I was jealous of Prue and Piper.
They were great at everything they decided to do and I was the family screw-up. Nothing I did ever seemed to turn out right. They were able to have wonderful careers doing what they loved...and I ended up dropping out of college and running off to New York. Then when things fell apart in New York, I moved back home to live with my sisters. I know now that it was the right decision to make, but at the time I saw it as just one more example of how I wasn't as good as my sisters. I was also jealous of how they were able to find guys who loved them and were able to stay in mostly stable relationships. (No, Roger and Jeremy do not count. Roger was slime and Jeremy was a witch-killing warlock.) They just seemed to be really lucky with attracting good guys who loved them and all I managed to attract to me were the losers. (No, I will not discuss Clay.)
I realized later that nothing was ever as easy for my sisters as it looked.
I was also jealous of Prue and Piper for a very deep, more personal reason.
They got to know Mom. Mom was killed when I was a baby and I never got to know her. It hurt so deeply and it was a feeling I carried around with me for most of my life.
I think that was the most intense feeling of jealousy I have ever felt in my life.
Then, we went back in time and I finally got to meet her. When it was time to leave, I wrote her a note and stuck it in the Book of Shadows. It was a warning to stay away from the water on the day she was to die. Every time I've made a wish, I wished for time with mom. And I believed in my heart that someday, somehow, that wish would come true and when it finally did, I didn't wanna let her go. But then, I realized I had to and I took the note out of the book and she never knew.
Prue and Piper helped me through that after we came back to our own time. I was finally honest enough (not to mention comfortable enough) to tell them how I had felt when we were growing up. I had never told anyone and I think me finally telling them helped in many ways.
How do I deal with my jealousy when it happens?
If it's one of those bursts of jealousy that we all encounter, then I spend time with my loved ones, or I get out and do something.
However, if it's one of those bouts of jealousy that hurts and depresses you, I tend to lock myself away in my room. I stay behind closed doors and cry it out, write it down and work through it from there.
Tears can sometimes be a great healer.
Words:549
Muse: Phoebe Halliwell-Turner
Fandom: Charmed; Misc. TV
But that would be a lie.
For the longest time, I was jealous of Prue and Piper.
They were great at everything they decided to do and I was the family screw-up. Nothing I did ever seemed to turn out right. They were able to have wonderful careers doing what they loved...and I ended up dropping out of college and running off to New York. Then when things fell apart in New York, I moved back home to live with my sisters. I know now that it was the right decision to make, but at the time I saw it as just one more example of how I wasn't as good as my sisters. I was also jealous of how they were able to find guys who loved them and were able to stay in mostly stable relationships. (No, Roger and Jeremy do not count. Roger was slime and Jeremy was a witch-killing warlock.) They just seemed to be really lucky with attracting good guys who loved them and all I managed to attract to me were the losers. (No, I will not discuss Clay.)
I realized later that nothing was ever as easy for my sisters as it looked.
I was also jealous of Prue and Piper for a very deep, more personal reason.
They got to know Mom. Mom was killed when I was a baby and I never got to know her. It hurt so deeply and it was a feeling I carried around with me for most of my life.
I think that was the most intense feeling of jealousy I have ever felt in my life.
Then, we went back in time and I finally got to meet her. When it was time to leave, I wrote her a note and stuck it in the Book of Shadows. It was a warning to stay away from the water on the day she was to die. Every time I've made a wish, I wished for time with mom. And I believed in my heart that someday, somehow, that wish would come true and when it finally did, I didn't wanna let her go. But then, I realized I had to and I took the note out of the book and she never knew.
Prue and Piper helped me through that after we came back to our own time. I was finally honest enough (not to mention comfortable enough) to tell them how I had felt when we were growing up. I had never told anyone and I think me finally telling them helped in many ways.
How do I deal with my jealousy when it happens?
If it's one of those bursts of jealousy that we all encounter, then I spend time with my loved ones, or I get out and do something.
However, if it's one of those bouts of jealousy that hurts and depresses you, I tend to lock myself away in my room. I stay behind closed doors and cry it out, write it down and work through it from there.
Tears can sometimes be a great healer.
Words:549
Muse: Phoebe Halliwell-Turner
Fandom: Charmed; Misc. TV
