phoebe_halliwell: (Upset or Confused)
I never knew my mother very well as she died while I was still very young. A water demon killed her at a camp that my sisters used to go to. I've met her twice since then... both times since becoming a witch.

I met her once when Prue, Piper and I went back in time to stop a warlock she had reluctantly made an agreement with. I cannot explain how that felt - seeing her alive and well. I even tried to leave her a note warning her not to go near the lake on the day of her death... but I ended up not leaving it. I wanted to be able to change events, but I also knew that I couldn't. You just cannot mess with time, no matter how much you might want to.

The second time I saw Mom happened in the time of Piper's life that we do not mention -- ever. It felt so good to finally be held by her, even though it was only for an instant. To be able to hug her and have her hug me back and be talking to me... it's a feeling that I don't know if I can ever put into the right words.

I really miss knowing her...and I can only hope that I haven't managed to disappoint her too badly.

Muse: Phoebe Halliwell
Fandom: Misc TV; "Charmed"
Words: 225
phoebe_halliwell: (Broken Smile : starrygirl604)
[[OOC: This is set long before any current events that we have played out in T_M. This takes place after the Charmed Season Four Episode "Long Live The Queen".]]

Phoebe lay curled on the bed, clutching the long jacket tightly to her as she sobbed into the pillow. She felt like she had been crying for days and she was certain that she would cry for several more days.


Her beloved was gone. She and her sisters had been forced to vanquish the Source. Unfortunately, the Source had taken up residence inside Cole, so when they vanquished him, Cole disappeared too.

She felt like she had been torn apart and then the two halves of her had been shredded.

She understood that she and her sisters had had no choice, but she still felt like she had betrayed Cole. However, there was no way she could have just stayed in that bathroom and let the Source force Cole to kill her sisters.

The Source, NOT Cole...

Cole, her Cole, would never have allowed the Seer to poison her and turn their baby completely evil. Cole would never have hurt her or tried to kill her sisters...

The Source did all of those things, and she was to blame. She had destroyed the one person who was going to free Cole from the Source and she had brought all of this to pass.

And now... Cole was gone.

She had helped to destroy the Source... but in doing so, they had destroyed Cole as well.

"Cole..." she sobbed into his jacket that she was still holding tightly to her.

She couldn't help but to call out to him, even though she knew he was gone and couldn't hear her. Part of her hoped that wherever he had been banished to, that his soul could feel the pain in regret that was filling her own soul.

"Cole... I'm sorry. I'm so sorry..."

Phoebe couldn't stop replaying that scene over and over in her mind. Her kissing him one last time. The look in his eyes when he realized what she was going to do. The realization of betrayal in his voice when he said her name. The look on his face as Paige and Piper held her up and she recited the vanquishing spell with them. He said he still loved her even as she was helping to destroy him.

She would never forget the look on his face or the sound of his voice as it happened... It was going to haunt her for the rest of her life... and maybe beyond that, too.

The one that got away? More like the one who was vanquished away.

Muse: Phoebe Halliwell
Fandom: Misc TV; "Charmed"
Words: 424
phoebe_halliwell: (Phoebe Can't Talk : Supernaturalhel)
I wanted to be a princess. That Never happened. But hey, I was a Queen for a few months.

For as long as I could remember, as a child, the one main focus of my attention was finding our dad and bringing him back home to us. In my childish mind, I got the idea that if we could bring Daddy home, then her would be able to bring Mommy back. After all, that's what Daddys did. They made sure Mommys and their daughters were all together in their house.

Give me a break, I was a child who never knew her mother and her father was gone.

As a child there were so many ambitions I had. I was going to be a super hero and save people in need. I was going to be on TV. I was going to be the best wife to my husband when I got married. I was going to be someone who did things to make everyone around her happy. I was going to be the person that everyone around her needed and wanted to be there.

I was going to be the perfect sister, the perfect friend, the perfect wife and the perfect mother.

I was going to find the perfect guy and everyone around us was going to be happy for me because he was so perfect.

Well, I found the perfect man for me... the part about everyone being happy for me is still being worked on.

However, I am very determined.

My current ambition? Getting my family and my husband lover fiance(?) to at least make a tentative peace between them and begin working things out.

No one ever said I set out on easy ambitions.

Muse: Phoebe Halliwell
Fandom: Misc TV; "Charmed"
Words: 212
phoebe_halliwell: (Need To Be Loved : Xxmainsey)
Phoebe closed her eyes as she thought about so many things.


She could name many wrong perceptions that people had of her... or still do have.

Prue perceived her as being a slacker and irresponsible for most of her life. It wasn't until two years before her death that Prue's perceptions about her changed.

She wasn't sure how Piper perceived her. growing up, it had been Piper who was often the buffer between her and Prue. Did her older sister ever just have the perception that she was just a troublemaker? How did Piper perceive her now that they were adults and Charmed Ones? She knew that her sister loved her and was proud of everything she had done... but how did she perceive her?


She and Cole had come a long way since... well, since everything. She had helped her sisters vanquish him...but he had come back. He had come back to her. He loved her and for some reason, even after she had helped to send him to the Wastelands, he had still come back to her... come back for her.

How did Cole perceive her?

He loved her. He believed in her. He wanted her.

Trying to figure out other people's perceptions was hard to do.

Muse: Phoebe Halliwell
Fandom: Misc TV; "Charmed"
Words: 220
phoebe_halliwell: (The First Charmed Ones)
Close your eyes and think about what you've been missing in your life lately. It could be a person, pet, place, thing, occasion, feeling. Anything at all that you miss dearly. … Challenge #122

There's an easy answer to this question.


More than anything, I miss Prue being here with us.

Yes, I have Piper and my new niece on the way. I have Cole and we're talking of weddings and starting our own family.

But Prue isn't here and I miss her a great deal. While we're making plans and juggling decisions, there's an empty space that screams out Prue's name. She's our big sister and she should be here to see Piper give birth to our niece. She should be here to watch me get married. She should be getting married and doing family things.

I miss her so much and there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about her and how I wish things could be different. I relive that day over and over in my head, wondering if there was something I could have done differently. Did I sacrifice her to bring Piper back? Was there a different decision I could have made to get the Source to have Tempus turn back time and save Piper from that bullet?

This questions plague me sometimes...mostly when I look around and think to tell her something. Then, the reality hits me all over again of her not being there. It hurts and the wound never heals.

I miss my big sister.

I really miss Prue.

Muse: Phoebe Halliwell
Fandom: Misc TV; "Charmed"
Words: 229
phoebe_halliwell: (Sad Over Shoulder : Absolutesnark)
Challenge #121 -- Fortune: Some people have it, some people seek it, some claim to predict it, and some say that it favors the brave. Write a ficlette inspired by the word "fortune."

Fortune does sometimes favor the brave, but it all depends on what your definitions of fortune and favoritism are.

Fortune favored the Halliwells by giving them powers... but then took their men away from them in one way or another.

Fortune favored us by making us the Charmed Ones, but then took away our big sister, Prue when the Source of all Evil targeted us for death.

The entire thing about fortune is that it seems that it has to keep a balance. You get fortune and you lose it.

I can see visions of the future, but does that mean I predict people's fortunes? Well, not anymore. I once worked as a fortune teller shortly after we got our powers. I was broke and Prue's birthday was coming up, so when I saw the ad for the hotel looking for a fortune teller for their lounge, I got the job. Oh, I told someone's fortune alright... and then I had to resort to drastic measures to keep him safe because he didn't believe what I had seen.

Fortune can favor the brave or the scared. Some of the people that have the most money are ones that are also the biggest cowards that may have ever been seen.

Fortune is fickle.

Fortune gave me Cole, then took Cole... and now he's back again.

I've learned not to question fortune. Doing that causes a backfire on you and tears your life and your heart apart.

Muse: Phoebe Halliwell
Fandom: Misc TV; "Charmed"
Words: 245
phoebe_halliwell: (Phoebe in Hell)
I can honestly say that I have done a lot of dangerous things in my life, especially over the last couple of years since reading that incantation from the Book of Shadows.

I've dated guys in New York, I've believed in people I shouldn't have. I've challenged demons on my own, and fought the Horsemen of the Apocalypse.

However, the most dangerous thing I think I have ever done in my life was when I went into the Underworld alone to bring Cole back home.

Cole had killed a witch, and we broke up because of it. I didn't find out that he had been forced into it and that it hadn't been his choice much later. Later being when I got turned into a banshee and Piper summoned Cole to stop me. She was counting on the fact that he still loved me would keep me from killing someone as a banshee and change me back. I was trying to kill him when he uttered three simple words. Upon hearing them, I became human again and that's when Cole told me what had really happened when he killed the witch.

'I don't want to hear it, Cole.' 'Yeah you do.' )

The dark side had won... they had broken up Cole and I... because I doubted him and the goodness in him. When he risked himself by not allowing himself to kill the banshee I had become, it saved me in more ways than one.

There was still good in him and he still loved me as much as I loved him. There was no way I was letting go. As I told Piper, I made a mistake in giving up on him, and I was going to rectify that mistake. I now knew why he had done what he had, and it was time to prove to him that he wasn't lost.

I could save him, I knew I could.

I created a spell to take me to him in the Underworld. I also brought a potion with me that would break through the influence that the evil alchemists down there might have cast on him. I figured if bad magic had turned him evil, why couldn't good magic reverse that?

I went there alone... if I got into trouble, Leo wouldn't vbe able to help me. I didn't think I would need help. I knew I could get through to Cole and I knew that he wouldn't let anything happen to me.

At first, Cole was not exactly happy to see me. We fought and he kept telling me that I couldn't save him. He underestimated my stubborness and the determination to bring him back. I loved him and I was willing to do anything to save him.

That's when things got a bit hairy.

The Source arrived in the Underworld and he knew I was there. Up topside, Piper had been shot and was killed. Cole asked the Source to get Tempus to reverse time so Piper didn't die. He agreed, but there was a price.

I had to stay in the Underworld.

Piper would live, but the Charmed Ones would be separated.

I love my sister and I would have done to save her, so I agreed to his demands, with one condition. He was to let Cole warn my sisters about the hit man, Shax, that was coming after them. He agreed and so I agreed.

He lied.

Shax killed Prue and then The Source was going to kill me since he had me down there. Cole and Leo got me out of there and back to the world up there... just in time to mourn the death of my big sister.

That was the most dangerous thing I have ever done in my life. It was also the most costly.

Muse: Phoebe Halliwell
Fandom: Misc TV; "Charmed"
Words: 628
(Not counting the quote from "Look Who's Barking")
phoebe_halliwell: (Phoebe Worried)
My dream house?

The simple answer is a place where I can live with Cole and have my sister close by at the same time. Wherever Cole is... he's my home.

Until I came to Boston to be with Piper, Halliwell Manor was (and still is) my dream home. It was where I was born and where I grew up. I'll probably one day die in that house if the demons that are always after us have their way.

My dream home used to have large airy rooms with large bedrooms for privacy. It has a large kitchen and an even larger living room for the family to be able to hang out there in comfort. It has beautiful gardens and a conservatory that is filled with light and the scent of the flowers from the garden. The bathroom in my suite of rooms was large and had a sunken tub that was roomy enough for two people. The bed was kingsize and it was perfect for relaxing or doing other things... or just being held by the man I love.

That's what my dream home used to be.


Now, I am careful not to dream about such things. The last time I had dreams of things I wanted, my eldest sister died... and after that Cole... and then our baby.

Yeah, so I'm very careful about dreaming of homes or futures or whatever. I cannot handle losing Cole again. It would destroy me completely. I lived through losing him once... and wondering if he hated me when he found his way back.

Worse yet, if I were to lose Piper. I'd die with her. I could not live without Piper, I just couldn't.

The last time I dreamed about something I wanted... I lost Prue and Cole.

There's balance in everything... so I'm careful about what I dream of or wish for. Sometimes the price can be too high.

So, what is my dream home like?

Anywhere I can be with Cole and Piper.

Muse: Phoebe Halliwell
Fandom: Misc TV; "Charmed"
Words: 337
phoebe_halliwell: (C/P If I Give Up : tonic2w)
At times, lots of people never tell us what they are really thinking. Who is the one person that you would really like to know what they are thinking (as far as how they feel about you) and why? … Challenge #117

Wow, that's kind of a difficult one on so many levels as there are many people I would like to know the truth over how they really feel about me --- especially now.

But I think the one that I would really like to know that answer from would be Cole.

I don't mean in the here and now because I know how Cole feels about me and what he thinks about me. I know that he's my soulmate and that we're going to get married whenever we get around to planning the damned wedding. I know where we stand now... where we will stand in the next several years.

No, my curiosity is for the past. I would have loved to have known what he thought of me when we first met --- before he knew I was a witch... before he knew I was A Charmed One and that he was there to kill me.

I would love to know if he would have still wanted to be with me if I hadn't been a witch. Okay, yeah, probably delving into things I don't want to know about. But, the thing is, I really would have liked to know that at first he did see me as something more than a target... as a way to advance in the demonic hierarchy of the Source.

I would like to know if he ever saw me as more than a target... a notch on his belt to add to his total of witch killings.

Muse: Phoebe Halliwell
Fandom: Misc TV; "Charmed"
Words: 252
phoebe_halliwell: (I Do Not Cry : Supernaturalhel)
My father...

You want me to write about my father.

What can I say about Victor that would be fit for public viewing? Don't get me wrong, I love my father. It's just... it's difficult to explain.

See, I used to have a very romanticized idea about my father. True, he had walked out on our family after our mom died. True we didn't hear from him again until a few months after we got our powers.

I wasn't even two when Victor walked out on us and a big part of my life's drive when I was younger was to find my dad and reunite him with me and my sisters. I never knew him and I wanted to. I had this stupid idea that if I had my dad in my life, things would be so much better all around.

Then he came back and things got even more confusing. The first time I saw him... he called me Piper. He didn't even know who I was. I guess I understood. I was a baby the last time he saw me, but the first sting was still there.

That first time he came to see us, he wanted us to stop being who we were, he didn't want us to be witches. That's when he learned that we weren't little girls any longer and that if the three of us stuck together we'd survive.

"Prue, you can't fight this. I couldn't."
"I'm not you."
"Are you sure? Are you sure you can protect your sisters forever?"
"We'll protect each other."
"Then you'll die together.
"No one can hurt us as bad as you."

He left shortly after that... of course, that leaving included standing us up... again. The last time we saw Dad was at Prue's funeral. He didn't even come to Piper's wedding

He comes in and out of our lives a lot now, kind of like a moth going from light to light. I try to keep him away from Cole. He's never liked the fact that I'm in love with a demon, and I doubt that's going to change now that Cole is back.

I know Dad is trying to change... I have to fight to remind myself of that sometimes. He loves us and we love him.

I just know now that having a dad around doesn't automatically solve all of the problems in your life, no matter how much you want them to.

Muse: Phoebe Halliwell
Fandom: Misc TV; "Charmed"
Words: 371 (Not counting quote from "Thank You For Not Morphing")
phoebe_halliwell: (Braids : Ishara)
Right now?

I have my sister, Piper, with me. I have the man who I have always loved and who is my soulmate, Cole, alive and well with me. I have started a new life in Boston with Piper and will soon be planning my wedding to Cole.

There have been no devastating demon attacks, and the Elders haven't been heard from since they screwed the hell out of Piper and I about having our family back...

...I have Piper alive and well with me. She's married and she's happy... and I wouldn't wish for anything more than for her to be happy. After everything we have been through? Piper deserves so much to be happy. I'm glad to see that she's glowing and that she's happy.

...I have Cole. He's forgiven me for everything that happened with the Source and the fact that I wasn't strong enough to save him... that I wasn't brave enough to continue to believe in him. He came back to me and he still loves me. We're going to be married again and this time things are going to be so much different. We've learned that we're stronger when we stand together and have faith in each other.

I can't imagine being happier in life than I am right at this moment.

Muse: Phoebe Halliwell
Fandom: Misc TV; "Charmed"
Words: 218
phoebe_halliwell: (C/P It's All Coming Back : Ishara)
*Phoebe sighed and shook her head.*

Something that I wasn't supposed to have heard or know? There are so many things that could fit into that category.

I guess the one that sticks out the most is how I found out about Cole --- even though I didn't "overhear" that so much as Leo flat out told me.

The triad had been trying to kill us for awhile, and they had sent one of the Source's top assassins to destroy and kill us. They sent Belthazor... in the nicely packaged form of Cole Turner.

I fell in love with the man who was sent to kill us. Of course, I didn't know that at the time. He was just always around and in my naivete and heart in my eyes world, I just figured it meant he was keeping a close eye on me. He was, just not to protect me like I had thought.

I found this out about a week after Belthazor's latest attack on us. Cole hadn't called or gone to work in all of that time and I was worried that something had happened to him. I went to his apartment and found him and he was hurt, badly. He wouldn't go to the hospital and didn't want me to tell anyone where he was.

But I couldn't watch him die... so I went and got Leo. I guilted Leo into healing Cole... and that's when I found out a secret I was never meant to know.

Cole, the man I loved and who was my soulmate... was the demon sent to kill me and my sisters.

It was something I was supposed to die before knowing... and it ripped my world apart for awhile.

Muse: Phoebe Halliwell
Fandom: Misc TV; "Charmed"
Words: 290
phoebe_halliwell: (C/P Talk To Me)

Where do I start?

First of all, don't runaway to New York after Grams dies. You're going to need Piper and Prue and they're going to need you. Get things worked out between you and Prue, don't let Roger rob you guys of that precious time you have together. Do whatever you need to do to get her to listen to you about what a sleazeball Roger is.

Second of all, you're going to find a rare and wonderful book in the attic. That book is going to teach you your heritage and you and your sisters are going to have to protect that book with more than just your lives.

You're going to meet someone special, Pheebs, and he's going to be your soulmate. Yes, there are going to be a lot of roadblocks as he is a demon and you are a witch, but trust me, he is so worth it.

Cole will love you like no one ever has and you will be his balance. You'll be his light holding him away from the darkness. He is a good man, Phoebe, and no matter what happens, never doubt that he loves you more than anything in this world and the next.

Things are going to happen and the Source of all Evil is going to do anything he can to destroy you and your sisters --- including murder Prue. You'll see it coming, but you and Piper will not be able to stop it or save Prue. Don't beat yourself up about it. Don't let Piper beat herself up, either.

Don't be too hard on Leo, either. It's not his fault that he was only able to save Piper.

When you meet Paige, try to push Piper more to get to know her a lot sooner than she did in my time. The three of you are going to need each other because The Charmed Ones do not die with Prue. She's not trying to take Prue's place, Pheebs, but she is your sister, too.

Now, here comes the hardest part of this letter to write.

The Source will do anything he can to destroy you and your sisters --- including trying to use Cole.

Never lose faith in Cole, Phoebe, no matter what happens. Be stronger than I was and keep believing in him. Everything he does, he does to protect you and keep you safe. The Source will possess Cole, but he will keep fighting that control. Keep faith in him, Phoebe, and he'll keep fighting to free himself of that evil.

You're his light, Phoebe and never forget that. The two of you give each other strength. No matter who talks against Cole, or what happens, he will always love you.

Also? Hide that spell.


Muse: Phoebe Halliwell
Fandom: Misc TV; "Charmed"
Words: 462
phoebe_halliwell: (Phoebe Phone : Nvrpromise)
I honestly don't really like mornings.

When the alarm clock goes off, I hit the snooze button and burrow back under the blankets of my bed. If I happen to be with Cole, then I knock the alarm clock off the nightstand and curl back up with him.

When I finally get out of bed, the first thing I do is head to the shower and take a hot shower to ease my muscles into starting what is always guaranteed to be another wild and stressful day. After I'm done in the shower, I do the usual morning ritual of getting make-up on and picking the right outfit to wear for the day.

Then, I go downstairs to where Piper usually has her special blend of coffee brewing. A nice big cup of her coffee with a little sugar, and a little cream and I am finally ready to start my day.

Muse: Phoebe Halliwell
Fandom: Misc TV; "Charmed"
Words: 153
phoebe_halliwell: (Pieces of Me : Nvrpromise)
There are so many different definitions of control and what losing it can mean.

I absolutely hate to lose control...over my life, my emotions, my sense of self.

The worst case of losing control I ever had was through the manipulations of the seer on me and the baby that I carried.

I had just been forced to vanquish the love of my life. I had no choice. Cole had been possessed by the Source and the Source was going to make Cole kill my sisters. I didn't have the knowledge or the power to seperate the Source from Cole...

Afterwards, the baby started developing very angry powers and using me to attack my sisters. I had no way of keeping myself under control when the baby would take over. He mainly focused his hate on to Paige.

The Seer sent a giant to kidnap me...only the baby kicked Paige into him and they disappeared.

Phoebe: What the hell? I can't even enjoy some iced tea!

Piper: Uh, it wasn't iced tea. It was a binding potion. Paige suggested it to help control the baby and I couldn't tell you because if I did he would've stopped you...

Phoebe: He stopped me anyway. He knows things that I don't know. He's trying to take control of me.

Leo: You can't let that happen, if he takes control he'll never let go.

Phoebe: I know. It's not me and it's not Cole, it's the Source.

The Seer sent the tall man back and the baby killed him...then...he took me over completely and I went to the Underworld.

She did a spell and took my baby from me.

She had taken both Cole and my baby from me...and the three of us were in a cage.

The loss of so much control was the most frightening thing in my life.

Muse: Phoebe Halliwell
Fandom: Misc TV; "Charmed"
Words: 224 (Not including the quote from "Womb Raider")
phoebe_halliwell: (Serious)

I used to sit and stare into mirrors when I was younger --- before I realized how easily you can be pulled into the world that lies on the other side of the mirror. Another, twisted version of our world is behind that glass and it's very eerie.

When I look into a mirror now, I see a woman who has been through things that no one outside of her family would believe. I see someone who sometimes feels older than her years, and other times feels so very young.

I'm a caretaker of more than just myself or my family now. I have spent five years as a witch and my eyes show the scars of every battle I have fought. They may not be noticeable at first, but if you look long enough, you see them.

I see the sister who has seen death more times than I have wanted to.

I lost a mother, a grandmother, a sister and killed a husband.

Those are wounds that will never go away---even though said dead sister and dead husband are thankfully back among the living again.

I see the girl I once was hiding behind the woman I was forced to become.

There are times that I feel that I have lost touch with the real me and that I have lost myself.

The mirrors usually show me in great detail all of the things I have done and all of the flaws I wear.

I try not to spend a lot of times looking into mirrors these days.

Muse: Phoebe Halliwell
Fandom: Misc TV; "Charmed"
Words: 261
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